Dear New Employee,

Welcome to your first day at MegaCorp Inc. Here’s your work laptop.

You cannot install any software on it. The productivity apps you’ve gotten used to? They’re forbidden.

You also cannot visit certain websites. Which sites did we block, you ask?
Well, to be honest, it’d be easier to tell you the one’s we didn’t block lol.

You see, a few years ago, a dumb intern from our HR department clicked on an unsafe link. So since, then we’ve put our entire 100,000 person organization inside of a digital prison.

But don’t worry, it’s for your own safety.

Btw, it’s Kelly’s birthday on Thursday. We’re doing a little surprise party for her and everyone’s got her a gift. But you don’t need to do that if you don’t want to. No pressure, champ.

Best,

Your boss

November 14, 2026